I’ve not blogged for a while because my head is so full of stuff that I am battling to think clearly.
First off OH had a follow up appointment with the cardiologist yesterday and after a gruelling stress test on the treadmill was pronounced good to go off and do whatever he would normally do, providing he stays on his meds.
I have been feeling very down and tired, not because of physical activity but it’s all emotional stuff that is weighing me down. And my IBS has kicked in in a big way and that is not helping any.
What’s causing all of this, well it’s the fact that I fly to the UK to on 1st March in the hope of effecting a reconciliation with our daughter and meeting my granddaughter for the first time. She does not know that I am coming because I am sure she would do everything she could to avoid me. My son does not know either, it’s all been very hush hush. However I have a dilemma. The address where I believed she was living was checked out by a friend in the UK and it has a “To Let” sign outside. I am sure she has moved and in order to find her I have to consider involving an old friend of hers in my plans to try and get an address. If it all goes pear shaped this could well affect the friendship and I don’t want to be responsible for that.
I will be staying with extended family of OH’s and hiring a car to get around. I have tried to prepare myself for further rejection while still hoping for a good outcome. I have read books on forgiveness because I am not going all that way to try and win an argument, I just want to put all the unpleasantness behind us and start again. However I am also willing to listen to anything she may wish to say to me and to apologise for anything that I may have done or said to cause our estrangement.
I will only have 8 days to find her and hopefully visit with her and get things back on track. The trip has cost an arm and leg because I was due to fly on 1st February but had to postpone because of OH’s heart attack. I have not told him that changing the flight cost me R3 400 because that would probably induce another heart attack.
In between I have a ton of work to get through so if I am scarce on the blogs you know why.