?%**#!?$ !!!

I am caught between a rock and a hard place. The internet distribution list host I have been using for the past 8 years pulled the plug on the service without any warning leaving me unable to communicate with my client base. Since early this month I have been trying to overcome this problem and decided on a new hosting provider.

Having signed up, my domain host here in SA needed to make some changes / create a sub domain and their response time is not the fastest.  The new list provider is based in the US so there is a time differential that costs days in productivity.

I populated the new list and a welcome message went out to everyone so I really believed that I was on the right track. However I am still not able to send an email directly to the list. According to the list host it does not show up on their server, hence the problem is not on their side.

Now I am not technical enough to argue the point so I have passed this information onto my website hosting company and they just advised that they corrected the settings. However a test message was still undelivered.

So here I am caught between two IT companies, hoping to get the service I am paying for sometime before my clients get thoroughly p*ssed off with me.

I hate not being able to control my working environment and feel so damn helpless right now.


Hello Blogpeeps

I have been home for over a week now and I am still feeling ill. On Monday morning I woke up with a sore throat once again and sneezed and sniffed all day. On Tuesday I had back-to-back meetings and arrived back home absolutely exhausted. I had intended to do some shopping yesterday but after showering and blow drying my hair my get up and go just got up and f*cked off. I was nauseas and suffering with severe tummy cramps and a headache so OH went to do the shopping, bless him. So I spent the day in bed, mostly reading, son and DIL popped around in the afternoon for a short visit and then it was back to bed again and I just could not keep my eyes open.Having said that I had a really bad night with lots of coughing and today my stomach is still very uncomfortable and I just cannot shake the doff headache. I just can’t wait to feel really healthy again!

OH and I have had more time to talk now that my voice is back, before I was just listening to all that had gone on in my absence without being able to share too much myself. We are both appalled at the attitude displayed by OH’s brother, sister and SIL. It seems that they think we should just accept their duplicitous behaviour and disregard for our feelings. When OH met with his sister she would not accept anything that he said about what had gone on even though she was not present. You just cannot reason with that mindset.

In addition they met in a local coffee shop and she was so rude to the staff. When the waiter came to ask if they would like anything else (it was fast approaching closing time) she snapped at him and said “can’t you see we’re talking”. Because they did not make provision on the bill for a tip she made a big scene about it and stated “no mention of gratuity on the bill – no tip”. OH was so embarrassed as the owner of the coffee shop is a lovely lady who well known to us. Now this sister has never had children and recently lost her husband after years of addiction problems. She has just fallen out with a long time friend of hers because she sided with the friend’s daughter against her mother and told OH that she could not understand why H was so angry with her. He just said “think about it – it’s not that different to our situation is it?”

I know that we are family and should stick together but with this lot you just never know when something is going to blow up in your face – you cannot rely on their support or predict their behaviour. Any relationship is on a strictly superficial level – they are all about as shallow as a puddle in the middle of the Kalahari.

Our deceased friend’s family are slowing picking up the pieces of their lives and continuing with their business in spite of the huge hole in their lives. We hope to be able to go and see them soon.

Ta ra for now.

A Sad Update

An update on my trip to locate my daughter and hopefully reconcile with her.

On my first day in the UK I went to the address that she was last at. There was no-one home and the neighbours on either side were also not at home.  As it was Saturday there did not appear to be much I could do so I drove to friends for the weekend. We visited Cambridge on the Sunday and on the Monday I drove back to the family I was staying with.

Their son, who was away for the weekend had returned and on Monday evening he drove me back to the old address where we found the new tenant home but she had never met my daughter having moved into a house that had been vacant for a month.  However the next door neighbour was very helpful and invited us in and went out of his way to assist.  He called the owner of the house that my daughter had lived in but she had no forwarding address. However this chap said he was certain that my daughter was still in the village because he had helped to load the removal van and they had made frequent trips. His daughter said that she knew the name of the road where my daughter had moved to so we drove there and parked. Then we walked the road, knocking at every door where a light was on and asking if the people knew which house my daughter had recently moved into. A couple of people mentioned a family with two children and this did not seem right, however checking the following day with my son revealed that her partner did have a child from a previous relationship that may or may not be living with them.  It was an extremely difficult thing to do, knocking on strangers doors but I must say than no-one was rude to us and many tried to be helpful. Eventually we had to concede defeat and drove back home.

The following day I went to the letting agents and asked to see the boss and explained my mission to him but he confirmed that the data protection laws prevented them from giving me her new address and all they could do was to contact her and ask her to contact me. Whilst I understood their position with regard to the law it was very difficult to accept this and I went back to the car and cried my eyes out and then phoned OH. He suggested that I go to the local police station and try and get some help there.  I found the police station quite easily – it is a drop-in centre manned by volunteers and a very gentle police officer invited me into the back office and took all my details and confirmed that he could not pass on my daughter’s address if she did not want contact but he undertook to track her down and go and see her on my behalf.

I later heard from him that he had spent 20 minutes with her and she was adamant that she wanted no further contact with us.  He said that she seemed rational but was disturbed that I was trying to contact her.  When he left he said to her that he hoped that if he had to knock on her door again it would not be with bad news from South Africa but even that failed to soften her heart.

She then sent my son an email saying that she would meet with me on condition that it would be the last meeting and the “harassment” would stop. Needless to say that all attempts to set up this meeting failed and I now believe that she said that just to get her brother off her back.

So I returned having not seen my daughter or my granddaughter. The trip cost a lot of money, especially as I had to pay a penalty to rebook my trip after OH had his heart attack but I had considered it money well spent if I got the desired outcome.  At least I know that I have done everything within my power to reconcile with her, and she knows it too even if she is unwilling to be reconciled.

Before I left the UK I sent her an email saying that I would not contact her again but that she knows where to find us if she should have a change of heart.  I’m not expecting a miracle anytime soon.

Our son and a good friend and ex pastor of ours who knew her very well are convinced that she is mentally unstable and has concocted an alternate reality in which we are the enemy. Having told her new partner this she would be exposed as a liar if we had in fact met up. Personally I don’t know what to think, I have no idea what goes on in her head anymore.  The girl I raised and with whom I had a very good mother-daughter relationship does not exist anymore for whatever reason. I have to make my peace with that and concentrate on OH and my son and daughter-in-law who have been so supportive.

Whilst away I developed a sore throat which turned into a chest and ear infection and I returned home very sick and without a voice. I now have my voice (croak) back but I am still coughing a lot and feeling weak.

Also whilst I was away a good friend of ours had a severe stroke and was flown to Cape Town by helicopter. His wife and family moved in with OH as we live near the hospital and poor OH had to counsel and support the family as they were told there was no hope of a recovery, the brain damage was just too severe.  He passed away in the early hours of Sunday morning so I came home to a house full of sad and emotional people. Because I was so sick we were not able to attend the memorial service on Wednesday but today our son and daughter-in-law are going to our holiday home and taking J’s ashes with them to return to the family.

A Sad Day

Yesterday I drove back to the village where I was sure my daughter is still stayiing and went to the letting agents who handled the house she stayed in previously. They were kind but could not tell me where she is now because of data protection laws, they said all they could do is to call her and ask her to contact me.

I left their office in tears and went back to the car and had a good cry. Then I called OH and he suggested that I find the local police station and see if I can get any help or advice there.

A very nice community police officer took me to the back office and I told him the story and he confirmed that if she does not want contact with me he cannot divulge her address. However he did offer to track her down and talk to her. He called back last evening but for some reason my phone did not ring and I picked up a missed call and voice mail. He said that he visited her and spent about 15 minutes with her and that she does not want any further contact with us.  He left his mobile no. but I have not been able to reach him again as it goes straight to voicemail.  There are so many questions I would like to ask him. No one can believe that she is being so heartless. I am emotionally drained today and just chilling at the home of family who have also gone out of their way to try and help.  Through their contacts I think I might have my daughter’s address but really want to speak to the policeman before I go through there and knock on the door.

It just seems like her personality has changed completely and I am beyond worried about her mental and emotional stability. I have also learned that her partner has a child from a previous relationship that may be living with them so not only has she gone from never wanting to have children she now has a baby and a step child.

And in other sad news a friend who lives in the area where we have a holiday house has just had a stroke and is being flown to Cape Town by helicopter with his wife. OH has been asked to look after his wife as we live near the hospital he is being transferred to. He will be in the same ICU ward that Oh was in just 5 weeks ago. Apparently he is critical and I just feel now that I could be of more use at home than here in the UK where my daughter won’t even see me.


Playing detective

Well I’ve been here in the UK since Friday and so far have had no luck in my locating my daughter. I did get a lead last evening which suggests that she is still in the general area so I am going out again today to walk the villages and speak to people.

Last evening the son of the folk I am staying with drove me back to her previous address where on SaturdayI had found no one at home and also no neighbours at home. This time the new tenant was home but she had moved into a house that had been empty for a month and had never met my daughter. The next door neighbour however invited us in and said that he had helped to pack a van a couple of times when she moved and she was still in the village. They gave us the name of the street where they thought she had moved to and we walked up and down knocking on doors and asking people but with no luck.

I cannot believe how friendly the people were, Not sure that South Africans would be that helpful to strangers knocking on their doors after dark.

The good news is that my son and DIL are on board and helping as much as they can but my daughter has not responded to any contact from them or from OH;s sister who she was very close to.

All very strange indeed. It warmed my heart though when I spoke to my son on the phone and he warned me that she might refuse to see me and said I should remember that I have family at home who love me very much, he’s not one for soppy stuff generally.

I need a miracle today so those of you who pray please remember me.