Playing with Words … Again!

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

Energiser bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it’s hungry ? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro – what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously Bush’s fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

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A losing battle

As my  is running down it’s a good thing that we are taking a week’s break at our holiday home from tomorrow. Time to relax, recover and recharge.

Thankfully we no longer have this to contend with during our three hour car journey

 

It will be Milo’s first long car trip and although he is very good on short trips it remains to be seen if he can handle a long one.  We do stop to give them a toilet break and a chance to stretch their legs.

Meanwhile I have booked for us to go on a short cruise in the first week in December to celebrate OH’s retirement. Like most women I am studying the contents of my wardrobe to see if anything matches the “cruisewear” description.  Sadly this does not seem to be the case unless I go on a seriaaaas diet.

 

So I plan to do what I always do when starting a diet

 

But really I know it’s a losing battle (no pun intended Col) because as I have always suspected weight gain is as a result of a conspiracy by these mean spirited creatures

 

But this time I am going to outwit the little buggers – I won’t put the clothes in my wardrobe but hang them on the outside where I can keep an eye on them.  Perhaps it will also motivate me to keep to the diet …

Have a great weekend blog friends.

Time for a change

Hello Blogpeeps

In view of the recent breakthrough in my life I felt it appropriate to celebrate with a change of gravatar. I’m not going all soft and airy-fairy though – that would not be me.

This is how I will appear for the forseeable future. No longer  p*ssed off but still with attitude! And if anyone does not approve of the change please see below:

Small steps, but definitely progress

A quick update as work pressures are huge at present.  We said goodbye to our daughter, her partner and granddaughter last week before they flew back to the UK and I followed up on the weekend with a short email wishing her well for her return to work today after a year’s maternity leave. I was surprised and heartened to receive an email from her yesterday saying that they had had a good trip home and that LT was an angel on the flight. She also thanked me for all the pressies we bought for LT and said that she would give her a kiss and a hug from us.

After nearly four years of silence this is better than I had dared hope for but I know it will take time for the closeness we had to return and it’s not something that can be rushed. At least if we have contact we can talk about everyday things like we used to and she can share LT’s milestones with us.

On Saturday OH was assisting our DIL with new business premises she has acquired as our son is away on business. He asked her about the fact that our daughter did not see her brother at all and found out that when our daughter emailed her brother to say she was coming to SA and asked for my email address (not sure why she would not have had it unless she had deleted all my emails) he replied and tore into her for what she had put us through and accused her of making her father sick (the heart attack in January) and said that she could not just walk back into our lives as if nothing had happened. He added that she better be genuine this time as opposed to when she came out for his wedding in 2010. DIL said he was very harsh with her and that is no doubt why she did not contact him again.  However these things did need to be said but it would not have done our cause any good if we had been the one’s to say it. I know that he was only trying to protect us from further hurt. Our son is not one to bear grudges and I am sure that when he sees that the reconciliation is genuine he will be more than happy for us and also to reconcile with her himself.

At last we are beginning to really feel like grandparents – just wish LT was not so very far away.

While I was gone (from the blogs)

My absence from the blogs this past week or so is mostly due to computer issues plus pressure of work. My laptop slowed down to a crawl, something was chowing up my bandwidth and I lost count of the number of reboots I had to perform just to get something done.  It was so slow I kept forgetting what I was trying to achieve!

Anyway dearest son came to the rescue on Wednesday evening and found the source of the problem, chastised me for changing settings on my Dropbox but the problem was sorted. I was so appreciative because he and my DIL are very busy with an exciting business development and that is on top of his paid job so his time is precious. Today he is off to Johannesburg and only returns home on Monday, losing a weekend because of work demands.

All well and good, yesterday I received an email from a government department that shall remain unnamed that appeared genuine and contained important information. Fortunately I did not distribute it further but placed it on the website I administer. It would seem that the original email contained a spam virus because I have now received that email in excess of 500 times in addition to repetitive emails from other recipients who thought that responding to all was an appropriate way to get the spam to stop. I have not looked at my bandwidth usage yet but I would imagine it’s probably close to the limit again.

Yesterday OH and I celebrated our 37th wedding anniversary; we also said our final farewells to our daughter, granddaughter and her partner who flew back to the UK yesterday afternoon. Our daughter arrived bearing flowers as an anniversary gift which really took us by surprise as she has not recognised one birthday, anniversary or Christmas since 2009.  It would seem that she has really had a genuine change of heart and promised to keep in touch in future.  She also downloaded a lot of LT’s baby pics onto my laptop so we now have a bit of a record of our granddaughter’s first year.

I could not believe how much LT’s walking had improved in the past 10/11 days since we first met her. She is now far more confident and goes along so fast she develops a speed wobble but quickly recovers her balance.  She is also trying so hard to talk and communicate. It’s sad that we won’t be able to watch her develop further at close range but I am so thankful that we have had the opportunity to interact with her and cuddle her – she’s a great snuggler! She was also completely unfazed when OH and I individually took her out into the garden and away from her parents, just lots of happy smiles and very keen to investigate the world around her. Here she is on the beach having a great time in the sand.

It’s pouring with rain here in Cape Town as I type and the weekend does not look too promising but both OH and I need some time and space to rest and recover from what has been a very emotionally draining two weeks in which all the sadness that we had suppressed for years came to the surface again but this time with a happy ending.

Would you let this woman look after your children?

Kindergarten teacher put 19 kids in car

2012-10-12 09:33

Pretoria – A kindergarten teacher was fined by Pretoria metro police for transporting 19 toddlers in her car for an outing to a local Spur restaurant.
Melanie Minnie was pulled over by metro police after a worried member of the community saw the children spill out of Minnie’s Renault Clio in the parking lot of a local mall, reported Beeld.
The children were between the ages of 4 and 6.

“It was the first time that we went on an outing. And the last time,” said Minnie, who had clearly got a huge fright.

“I will never do it again. We are really a very nice crèche,” she said.
Rietfontein crèche was only about 1km from the shopping centre.

A metro police spokesperson said Minnie was fined for transporting more people in a car than it was able to seat.

Her car was able to seat five adults or one adult and eight toddlers.

Minnie was fined R1 500.

SERIOUSLY A R1 500 FINE – Are they for real?

Go on, have a laugh

EVERY VAN SHOULD HAVE ONE:

THIS IS WHAT 
SAD LOOKS 
LIKE 




THIS IS WHAT 
SORRY LOOKS 
LIKE 


THIS IS WHAT 
BAD SPELLING 
LOOKS LIKE 

PRIVACY 
PLEASE




BAD JUDGMENT 



I’D RATHER HOLD 
IT 



PILE UP 



LET ME EXPLAIN 



THIS WILL 
MAKE YOU SMILE! 


HOW WAS 
YOUR 
CEREAL THIS 
MORNING? 


Boy 
Genius! 



Good Reason to 
Wear Pajamas to 
Bed!!! 



Tattoo Of 
The Year 





Latest Grill 
Accessories… 
These are a must 
have! 





More good news

Just had a call from my daughter to say that they would like to pop in again later today and would we be home. Oh my joyous heart, my beloved daughter is back, I could totally hear it in her voice.

More time with our delightful LT is just what we need. OH will be coming home early today to ensure he does not miss a second of their company.

At least I have had a chance to get my equilibrium back and stem the flow of tears.

And the Darwin Award goes to …

Man dies after cockroach-eating competition

Roaches
Roaches are not known to be unsafe to eat

The winner of a cockroach-eating competition died shortly after eating dozens of the live insects and worms in Florida, authorities have said.

Edward Archbold, 32, became ill and collapsed at a pet shop where the contest took place in the city of Deerfield Beach on Friday.

About 30 others competed in the event at the Ben Siegel Reptile Store.

Officials are waiting for the results of an autopsy to determine Mr Archbold’s cause of death.

‘Unorthodox contest’

None of the other contestants became ill afterwards, the sheriff’s office said.

“We feel terribly awful,” said Ben Siegel, the owner of the shop.

“He looked like he just wanted to show off and was very nice,” he said, adding that Mr Archbold did not appear to be ill before the competition.

A lawyer for Mr Siegel said all the contestants had signed disclaimers “accepting responsibility for their participation in this unique and unorthodox contest”.

The grand prize for the winner was a python, and Mr Archbold had planned to sell the snake to a friend who took him to the contest, according to the shop owner.

Source: BBC News

Grandparents at last

Hello Blogpeeps

“When a child deserves your love the least is when they need it most”

Optie is extremely emotional today, the tears just won’t dry up and my thoughts are all over the place. The reason – yesterday’s reunion with our daughter and meeting our granddaughter for the very first time.

We welcomed them as if there had been no estrangement. Our granddaughter is simply gorgeous (all grandparents would say that but she truly is a little honey) and our daughter who always said she did not want children is a wonderful mum. Her partner is a really involved dad, takes nappy changes and child care in his stride.

Little T (LT) is no stranger to the camera and really plays up to it so we were able to get some very good photos. My daughter offered to drop off copies of all the baby pictures to date so it seems she wants us to be involved in our granddaughter’s future.

Image

Like her Mom she has very little hair at nearly one year of age.

Image

This pic really shows what a little character she is.

Image

Making the most of a braaied sparerib.

We asked no questions about the past and she said nothing either so there are still a lot of unanswered questions but my focus is the future.

LT has just started walking and is a happy, confident little girl. She is also cutting teeth but is not grisly with it.  We gave her some homemade biltong to chew on and that went down a real treat.

It was bittersweet watching OH with LT, he had the biggest, most genuine smile on his face that I have seen for years. When I think back to his heart attack in January, probably helped on by the ongoing stress of the estrangement and my futile trip to the UK in March to try and see our daughter it was all I could do not to crack up. We both managed to hold it together till they finally left after we had enjoyed a braai together but by then I was physically and emotionally wrecked and just need to crawl into bed, too tired to even talk about the day.

We will see them again before they leave to go back to the UK and hopefully we will now have the privilege of watching LT grow up, even if it is from afar.

To everyone who sent supportive messages for yesterday, a big thank you, I appreciated them all very much.