When it’s just too late …

Today is my WordPress Blogaversary, it’s hard to believe that a whole year has gone past but I am reliably informed that this is the case.

Today is also the 20th anniversary of my mother’s death. That seems even more incredible. Where did the years go?

I was reminded this morning about an incident at my mother’s memorial service. We were having tea in the church hall when someone came to tell me that my son, then aged 12 had taken off up the road in tears. I went looking for him, very concerned because he had been alright throughout the service and this was not the first grandparent that he had lost, but in fact the last. When I tracked him down he was distraught and eventually I managed to find out what was wrong. Some old friend of my mothers had got him one side and told him how proud his Granny was of him and his school achievements and how she spoke about him all the time. Now this should not have caused such an upset but his words explained it all ” Why could she have not told me herself, why did I have to hear it from a stranger?”  My heart just broke for him there and then because it summed up my mother so well. Never lavish with praise or physical affection, I too had grown up never feeling quite good enough. I was both angry and sad at the same time, angry that she had inadvertently hurt my son in the same way that she had hurt me and sad that like my son I had never had the affirmation I had so badly needed even when grown up and married with children. How important it is to tell our loved ones that we love and appreciate them while we can, and often too because you never know which day will be your last!

On a slightly different note we were leaving the church after the memorial service and before my feet could even make it from the church steps to the pavement another so-called friend of my mother’s accosted me. I had never met this woman before but had heard my mother speak about her. She demanded to know right there and then what I planned to do with  my mother’s little mini oven because she would like it. I told her that I would not be dishing out my mother’s effects on the church steps and those decisions still had to be made.  Needless to say she did not get it!

A cousin of mine drove all the way from the Free State to the Cape for the memorial service but mainly to collect an item of furniture that she said my mother said she could have.  I was not aware of that promise but as I did not like that particular piece of furniture I was happy to let it go. After that she did not bother to keep in touch with me anymore and I eventually gave up when my emails were never responded to.

Another lifelong friend of my mother’s did not attend the memorial service because she said she had nothing to wear! Really … you woke up on the day and your cupboard had been stripped clean!

I guess what I am trying to say is that death brings out strange characteristics in people, the living that is, not the dead. I wonder what will go on after I have shrugged off this mortal coil.  I certainly hope my children won’t bicker and carry on about who gets what like so often happens.

On that note, have a great weekend bloggers.

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13 thoughts on “When it’s just too late …

  1. I agree with your comment that ‘that death brings out strange characteristics in people’. I wonder how I will feel on the 20th anniversary of Mom’s death? It hasn’t even been two years, and I hope that we will never forget her.

    Mom’s illness saw her decline over six months and towards the end we had to invite her friends and some family to say their good-byes. I say ‘invite’, but really we forced them to. Many had already decided she was ‘dead to them’, and were waiting to pay their respects at the funeral.

    If only they had known that Mom had insight and needed to say good-bye. Her funeral was beautiful, though, and some family travelled from SA to attend.

    Congratulations on your Blogaversary x.

  2. Congrats on your first year, it must feel great and worthwhile. It was a very good blog because it brought back memories of much the same things happening in my family, especially around my parents death .I was surprised how many people came out of the woodwork when there were things to get for free. I have been blogging for about 20 years mostly on UK sites. I have changed my avatar and username so many times that I don`t even know who I am sometimes. 🙂 I started off doing mainly DIY and electro- mechanical projects but decided they were best used on a webpage. I now try to make a mixture of all things that come into my life. I find it very relaxing as I blog just for myself and friends. I still dont get many hits on a lot of the sites, except whitewolf. iblog.co.za where for some time i have about 2000 hits a day. It is also very good on comments, have you tried it? Two other sites that were good until they closed were blat and mweb.

  3. Congratulations on your one-year anniversary, Optie. Your reminiscences are good lessons for all of us. … I have pleaded with my mother to write more things down, but she thinks her five children will have no problems when she passes. She hasn’t factored in the in-laws; it’s going to be ugly, and I have already told my husband I won’t be participating in the fiasco to come. So sad that the “things” of another can bring out the worst in people. … Also, I know I was following you at one time, and I see I’m still following Ozzy, so my squirrelly WordPress must have dropped you. I’m following again now!

  4. Hugs….I cannot even remember the date my Mom passed away…I think I found it so traumatic that I just closed my mind to it….I think we just have to remember that our parents did the best they could do….she obviously loved and was proud of all of you but just had a hard time telling you……my Mom never told me she loved me but I know she did by her actions etc …..a day does not go by without me telling my kids how much they mean to me….I maybe overdo it but I think of it that if it is the last time I speak to them the words I want them to remember is that I loved them…..

  5. This was a really interesting post, optie. I agree with you and your son, that we should lavish all the praise and love we can, on our family and friends. One never knows the day or the hour, when our lips will be sealed forever, and it’s too late. Can’t believe the cheek and insensitivity of that vulture of a woman who wanted your mom’s mini oven! 😕

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