Trying to be positive

I am trying very hard to steer away from negative posts because I feel like I really need cheering up. However this blog is as much for me to deal with the issues facing me and the emotions they evoke so maybe the next post will be the positive one.

Health wise I am still struggling with severe IBS brought on my all the stress, sometimes the pain is so bad I just can’t sit at my desk any longer and have to go and lie down. A side effect of constant pain is that it drains you of energy and my battery is not holding a charge lately.

Over the Hill

Apart from the work stress I am extremely worried about my daughter. I am happy that she is once again confiding in me and seeking support but it is frustrating not to be able to do anything practical to help her.  Her relationship has broken down irretrievably and her ex partner is being extremely unreasonable about access to their child. She has bent over backward to try and accommodate him but he continues to use emotional blackmail to wear her down and is verbally very abusive which upsets little T. She has put little T in day care 4 days a week so she can continue to work but in spite of the UK government making all the right noises about wanting people to get off benefits and go back to work it appears that she earns too much to qualify for tax benefits but too little to fund living expenses and childcare on her income. She is seriously considering resigning and going on benefits, the chap at the tax office actually suggested this to her!  But she does not want to live on benefits, she enjoys her job and little T has settled down very well with the childminder so it’s a Catch 22 situation. She says she wishes she could pack up and come home but knows that with a UK passport she has access to medical care and education at no cost and she has to be practical about what’s best in the long term. There is obviously a lot more to her situation for things to have progressed to this stage and yes, she made some bad decisions and has to now live with the consequences. There is no doubt however that she loves little T with every fibre of her being and wants to do what’s best for her. It’s heartbreaking that she is taking so much strain and I cannot help but worry about how this situation will resolve itself.

The funeral service for our neighbour yesterday afternoon was very well attended and the church was packed. Her husband gave a very honest and moving eulogy that must have been incredibly difficult, only cracking up a few times.  The service was good but both OH and I noticed that her son and daughter’s names and that of their partners were never mentioned, nor were they ever addressed personally by the minister. In most other funeral services the children of the deceased are acknowledged so we found that a bit odd.  The thing that cracked me up at the end was that she had chosen a piece of music to be played when her coffin was taken out of the church. After a very traditional Anglican service she had chosen “Listen to the music” by the Doobie Brothers. It summed her up so well, her way of putting people at ease, her sense of fun and love of life.

On the work front I emailed the powers that be and pointed out that the wrong person had been designated to sign my service provider agreement and they have acknowledged their mistake so now it’s just a case of forwarding my draft to them.

Sucking the life out of you

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11 thoughts on “Trying to be positive

  1. Being so far away from your daughter makes things so difficult. I know that my parents wanted to help me at times, but felt so helpless. It was reassuring to me, however, to know that they loved me, no matter what.

    BW to you all x.

  2. We always seem to have more problems with daughters than sons, well I do. As for being more positive with your blog it is very difficult if you still have unresolved conflicts in your life. I try to keep mine light so as to lift me out of the depressing circumstances that would invade my writing. It is very difficult some times to give advice when you are not living the persons life that makes the comment.

  3. I can well imagine how concerned you are for your daughter, but she sounds like she’s making sensible decisions now. I’m so happy that she reconciled with you both before all this happened. I hope you can start to feel less stressed and tired soon, optie. Those ‘funnies’ are very telling. Hugs to you.

  4. Such very hard times you are going through and added to by not being able to do anything practical to help your daughter. It’s the nature of parents, to want to help and fix things and it must be terribly frustrating for you. I do hope things improve work wise. You really have been through the wringer. Sending as many positive thoughts your way as I can muster.

  5. I clicked the like button for the way you have expressed your feelings. I hope that the work situation gives you less to stress about in the very near future and that your health will improve soon.
    I can imagine that you feel so helpless about your daughter’s situation. Is there perhaps some legal aid she can get help from?
    It is a crazy situation when one gets by better on benefits than on “real” pay. No wonder so many people stay on benefits. I think in Holland it’s much the same.

    • The benefit system makes no sense to me. Something must be out of whack if she is earning too much for tax credits but cannot cover childcare and living expenses on her income.

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