Boerassic Park

We went wine tasting in at Cloof Estate near Darling on Saturday and after enjoying a number of wines and a Ploughman’s Platter we popped into Darling to revisit Pieter Dirk Uys’ “Evita se Peron” (Evita’s platform for non-SA readers). Pieter Dirk Uys is a well known satirist, the previous Apartheid Regime provided no shortage of material for his shows and the current ANC government produces it in spades.   His alter-ego Evita Bezuidenhout features in all his shows. He has established his own little theatre and restaurant in Darling in old railway station buildings. The decor is eccentric, funny, and irreverant – there are no “holy cows” at Evita’s Peron.

So join me in a visit to Boerassic Park and the “Old South Africa”

152

 

I am so glad these signs are a thing of the past

142

 

Imagine the pain of having to tell your children they are the wrong colour to play in the park

151Here he is “Die Groot Krokodil” PW Botha – that bottom lip and a waving finger made him instantly recognisable in Pieter Dirk Uys’ sketches.

156But the current crop of politicians and their associates don’t escape ridicule either. Here is Winnie Mandela in the bath.

144And Alan Boesak, a corrupt womaniser and ex man of the cloth with his “ball and chain”

145

 

Lastly ex President Thabo Mbeki on his private jet

148

 

Strangely Zuma, aka Showerhead does not feature yet, probably can’t make up their minds which aspect of his character to portray 😉

Thank goodness for Pieter Dirk Uys who gave us something to laugh at in the dark days of Apartheid. The current bunch are not spared either and hopefully they will laugh at themselves like the old Nats did who were quite fond of PDU and quite proud to be the subject of one of his sketches.

 

 

 

 

One Liners (Not for the PC Brigade)

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite – all he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

 

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.

 

After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That’s when he realised he had made it home safely.

 

Paddy says to Mick, “Christmas is on Friday this year”. Mick said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th then.”

 

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.

 

Since the snow came all the girlfriends done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.

 

I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

 

After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy……………………………..          Nothing.

 

Just had my water bill £175 dropped on my mat. That’s a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

 

Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate; when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes……………   I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.

 

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.

 

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt…………………..   Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche.

 

Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year’s Riots….Your One Year Manufacturer’s Warranty Runs Out Soon.

 

IT’S A BOY” I shouted “A BOY, I DON’T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY”……………………….    And with tears streaming down my face I swore I’d never visit another Thai Brothel.

 

Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine…………………    Both in hospital…one’s in a korma.. The other’s got a dodgy tikka

 

In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper & lead.

 

Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth

 

An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan! He is making land Mines that look like prayer mats! It’s doing well! Prophets are going through the roof.

 

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

 

A boy asks his granny, ‘Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?’………………………   Granny replies, f#*k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

 

Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees.

Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, ‘Dad, what’s love juice?’

Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.

Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.

Dad says, ‘So what were you watching?’

Billy says, ‘ Wimbledon.’

 

A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: ‘I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.’

He replies, ‘Your eyesight is perfect.’

 

Wife gets naked and asks hubby, ‘What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?’

Hubby looks her up and down and replies, ‘Your sense of humour!

This is Africa

Africa and especially South Africa is a land of contradictions. One foot in the first world and the other still stuck firmly in the third it does lend itself to finding the funny in unexpected places.

Boneless bananas

And innovation, we no longer have to deal with those pesky little bones in our bananas, being a Banana Republic does realign priorities 🙂

Store closed

African logic from the Meneja himself!

Money where has it been

Crime is so bad in Africa that people carry their money in their underpants!

World Trade Centre

And some traders suffer from delusions of grandeur Mugabi style

Operating hours

Trading hours Africa time, for the non-South Africans it reads:

Times: 9 till fed up although “gatvol” is a much baser more descriptive word.

 

Kak restuarant

 

Not the best choice of name for a restaurant, wonder how popular they are?

 

Facebook

 

The internet is everywhere –  cyber cafe township style!

 

Eliminating darkness

 

There’s that innovation again – remember we gave the world Mark Shuttleworth!

 

Out of order

 

Translating directly from Afrikaans to English can convey a completely different message.

 

Circumcision

 

Cutting edge skills are widely available

 

Slaapstad

 

And finally one for my hometown, it’s not called “Slaapstad” for nothing.

Slaapstad is a play on the Afrikaans name for Cape Town – Kaapstad and means sleeping city.

For all the gym bunnies in Blogland

In praise of exercise …

It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I don’t jog; it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

I used to watch golf on TV, but my doctor told me that I need more exercise; so now I watch tennis.

If exercise and work pay off in the future, shouldn’t laziness pay off now?

A daily exercise regime never killed anyone, but why chance it?

Isn’t having good health merely the slowest possible way you can die?

The act of banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 80.
She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the heck she is.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

I don’t exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up on our body.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

Go on, have a laugh

EVERY VAN SHOULD HAVE ONE:

THIS IS WHAT 
SAD LOOKS 
LIKE 




THIS IS WHAT 
SORRY LOOKS 
LIKE 


THIS IS WHAT 
BAD SPELLING 
LOOKS LIKE 

PRIVACY 
PLEASE




BAD JUDGMENT 



I’D RATHER HOLD 
IT 



PILE UP 



LET ME EXPLAIN 



THIS WILL 
MAKE YOU SMILE! 


HOW WAS 
YOUR 
CEREAL THIS 
MORNING? 


Boy 
Genius! 



Good Reason to 
Wear Pajamas to 
Bed!!! 



Tattoo Of 
The Year 





Latest Grill 
Accessories… 
These are a must 
have!